Anonymous asks: When I get nervous or just like a new person I tend to say something mean to diffuse the tension. Like I usually call them a creep and/or make fun of them in some way. Besides “grow up” and “stop being an asshole” — believe me, I’m trying — what can I do? Is there any way to repair a first impression? It kind of kills me to think I’ve hurt someone’s feelings or even just annoyed them when I honestly think they’re cool and really nice and perfect as they are.
Well, as you mentioned, “grow up” and “stop being an asshole” are definitely applicable here, but it sounds like you’re on top of those so I won’t highlight them further.
What I will say is this - insecurity guides this behavior. You’re nervous these people won’t like you as much as you like them, so you’re holding them at arm’s length. It’s a natural reaction to the fear of rejection, to the pain of your appreciation for a person not being reciprocated. If you can hurt someone first, they might not get the chance to hurt you.
Here’s what I’ve learned about insecurity - there are always going to be things I’m insecure about, so I’ve just got to own them and move on.